Home Biography Metempsyche Blog Bibliophilia Random & Fan Contact

February 15, 2010

Steering the U.S.S. Blogfail to Starboard…

And answering the questions posed in my last post!

BUT FIRST!  A reminder!  If you haven’t read TRIBOCHARGE yet, then what are you waiting for?

Tribocharge

Tribocharge

Tribocharge
A Metempsyche companion short story
http://www.hayleyanneperkins.com/tribocharge/
Tribocharge: A type of contact electrification in which an object becomes electrically charged after coming into contact with another object.

Lightning bolts wounded beautifully, but they healed ugly.

Peter Borley knew this. He saw it a little more every day in his grandpa, Alexander, whose light dimmed just a bit more every morning as his tungsten veins reignited and his skin — pink and shiny, rippled from the current — showed through.

When Indira P. of Brazil (our Supporter of the Moment January 2010) started metempsyche and so many amazing readers joined so quicky to support Green, The Metempsyche novels, and my writing, I decided that I really needed to give something back.

The first offering I have is Peter Borley.

Peter is one of my very favorite characters to inhabit the Metempsyche universe, and he was my natural choice to star in the first Metempsyche companion short story. Because a release of Green itself is still TBA, I wanted to be able to give something (always spoiler-free!) back to the community members, readers, and well-wishers to whom I feel so indebted. I’m hoping to release a short story starring one of the secondary or tertiary characters from the Metempsyche world every 6-8 weeks for as long as I’m able, and Peter Borley the neighborhood poltergeist is just the first!

With that, my interrogation from you begins!

From Mary:

What I’d like to know about you is this: How do you walk around in the shoes you do? I’m speaking literally – I would fall down dead and die if I tried to wear your shoes in the rain (I loved your shoes in Kent) – and figuratively; how do you maintain a good head on your shoulders whilst being so talented and genuinely kind?

Aw, well, thank you miss Mary!

As for the literal “walking in my shoes” — I guess the best explanation that I have is that I took dance for sixteen years (and thus have very little feeling in my toes) and that in my last two years of high school, I wore heels every day.  I was Rachel Berry from Glee, dressing like both a toddler and a grandmother at the same time.  Although… I’ve never owned a pantsuit, thankfully.

My favorite pairs of shoes that I own:

Except in lime green!

These are my #1 favorite pair, except mine are in lime green!

As for the second half of your very sweet question, the answer is simple: I never lie, at least not intentionally.  My freshman and sophomore years of college, I dated a truly horrendous, emotionally abusive, ridiculous, spoiled, awful boy to whom I told three very big lies in an attempt to scare him into being a better person.  After the upkeep of those lies cost me several very good friends and didn’t do anything to make him stop hurting the people around him, I wised up, broke up with him, and proceeded never to lie again.  I might sometimes withhold information from people if I think my opinion would hurt them, but a lie of omission is very different than telling a lie, in my opinion.

From Sam:

This is anything but deep… what’s your favorite kind of ice cream?

My favorite kind of ice cream in the entire world is tragically extinct.  There’s a small ice cream shop in my town that’s owned and run by this very sweet, old Vietnamese woman, and they used to carry this very delicious ice cream called Fudgy Pudding, which was, literally, frozen chocolate pudding with brownie pieces and chocolate fudge chips.  Unfortunately, I was apparently the only person in town who liked it, so they don’t carry it anymore, and I am always sad about it.

Of ice creams that still exist, I’m sort of an old person and I either like amaretto-cherry or spumoni.  As my friend Justin once asked me, “You really like sweets that taste like they’re supposed to be dusty, don’t you?”

Yes.  Yes, I do.

Thank you to Liz, Jacee, and Ashley for your comments as well!

  • Share/Bookmark

February 11, 2010

When Your Failboat Hits the Blogging Iceberg

At this very moment, I am doing A Very Scary Thing.

I am writing a blog entry.

“Why is that scary?” you might ask.  “You write every day!  You Tweet!  You comment on LiveJournal!”

“That’s different,” I might respond.  “That is responding to someone.  I know there’s a person on the other end reading my words, and I know I don’t sound totally stupid.  Or… if I do, it’s only 140 characters of teh dumb.”

I think my phobia of blogging stems from three distinct stimuli:

1.  I really loved Meg Cabot’s blog in high school.

2.  I was a geek in first grade.

3.  Blog entries, other than Book Bloggers Get Blogged, are about myself and not about a friend, acquaintance, or fictional character.

When I was sixteen, I thought Meg Cabot was the coolest, funniest, savviest, most insightful person alive.  I mean, let’s face it, she still is.  All-American Girl and Princess in Love still make me laugh out loud every time I read them, and that really speaks to their lasting humor, considering how often I reread books.

I think what I admired — and still admire, and now envy — most about Meg’s blogging is her way of making her own life read like a hilarious, engaging story.  I have that ability in person, I think… I hope… maybe… but I psych myself out when it comes to blogging.  I get great blog ideas in the shower every day (as a Digital Age baby is wont to do) and I open up Wordpress and look at the blank textbox and freeze up.

November 2006

I am once again setting myself the goal of blogging more like Meg Cabot. Or, actually, more like the Princess Diaries books. Maybe it will help me to develop talent for writing. Or at least give me some material about which to crappily write. Whichever.

Although I’ve gotta say, in general, I find people who blog about “What happened to me today” to be completely ridiculous, because, I hate to tell them, people generally really don’t care about what you did today. Like my roommate, for instance, who updates her Livejournal about four times a day and writes about how she… sat at her desk, writing on LJ.

Four years later, I still think that’s true, and that is the reason for my Blog Stimuli #1: Meg Cabot Is Cool.  When she blogs about her day, she’s able to make me care and laugh and envy and think.  Of course, part of that stems from the fact that her days seem to be pretty fascinating — she gets to wear a tiara, for pete’s sake!  She knows Judy Blume!  She gets TV channels!

I realize that many blogs’ format is to include aspects of daily life along with a hook (and Meg’s hook is simply, “I Am Meg Cabot”), but… I don’t know.  Even blogs that I find fascinating have some sort of hook, a reason why I pay attention — and it’s rarely the actual blog portion.

Foodblogs?

I like the pictures. Food is really pretty, especially macarons, which are the benchmark of a good foodblog.

Sleep Talkin’ Man?

…Does anyone read the little italics after what Man has Sleep-Talked?   I don’t.  I just read the bits about how kittens have TOO MANY WHISKERS, TOO MANY WHISKERS!

The authors whose blogs I enjoy intimidate me for a different reason, however.  They are more closely related to my Blog Phobia Stimuli #2: I Was A Geek In First Grade.

Actually, to be more honest, I was a geek from age one onward.  But first grade is really the impetus of my blogosphereophobia.  (It’s a real word.  It is.  Swear.)

In first grade, my elementary school hired a Music Appreciation teacher who seemed to completely miss the part of her teacher certification in which she should have been informed that first graders are six years old, do not generally have musical training, and listen to things like Mary-Kate & Ashley’s Brother For Sale or I, Grover.  Sometime in October, she gave us the assignment of writing an original Christmas carol.

Because we totally knew how to compose music.

Because we were absolutely not six years old.

So I went home and I worked and I worked and I wrote out some lyrics about ornaments, and I brought my song to school.

Every time I sit down to write a blog entry, I feel like I’m wearing my pink leggings and sitting on the too-big piano bench, being made to try to play the piano and sing an original Christmas carol in front of my pantsuit-clad, spiral-permed music teacher and twenty-two other kids who already tease me every day.

The teacher started laughing halfway through the first verse of my song and told me I was murdering her piano, which really should have been expected as I had never touched one before in my entire life, but the worst part was not the teacher belittling me.  It was the reactions of my classmates.  Three or four kids laughed at me back, but most everyone else just sat on the floor, watching the glowing lights in their Lite-Up shoes.  On the one hand, it’s awesome that probably no one else remembers the moment of my mortification, but on the other, it would have been really nice to have just one kid stand up and say, “Hey!  You never taught us piano, lady!  You can’t laugh at us for not knowing how to play!”

This would never have happened in a first grade Music Appreciation classroom, but it’s the emotion that counts.  My fear of blogging is less about sounding stupid and boring, and more about not sounding like anything at all.

That feeling is what segues into Blogosphereophobia Stimuli #3: I Am Not A Fictional Character.

I love writing about fictional characters.

I would hope that this is somewhat obvious, at this point.

Ever since I discovered that I was allowed to create my own characters, it’s been my passion, but more than that, it’s the discovery of someone else’s life, motivations, and experiences that fascinates me.  It’s why I studied History, Journalism, and Creative Writing in college.  It’s why I enjoyed interviewing popstars for Tommy2.net and why I liked transcribing long, rambling recollections of WWII vets for PBS.  Listening to the conversations around me was my favorite part of being a barista in New York City, and the one part of being a college admission counselor that really suited me was speaking one-on-one with really great, interesting prospective students.

But I already know me!

So, to make my Blogosphereophobia less severe, tell me: Who are you?  What do you like reading blogs about?  How did you stumble across my little blog, and what do you want to know about me?

  • Share/Bookmark

January 10, 2010

A Book Blogger Who Got Blogged: Steph Bowe

In October, I interviewed the lovely Steph Bowe of Hey! Teenager of the Year (and also of exotic Australia) for my Book Bloggers Get Blogged feature.

You can read her interview here.

In it, she mentions:

What are your plans for the future?  Do you see yourself working in the literary community?I recently signed with literary agent Ginger Clark of Curtis Brown Ltd for my contemporary YA romance novel, and I hope that I’ll one day be a published author! I’d also like to work as an editor at a publishing house.

Just shy of a month later, Steph’s book was sold to Text Publishing in Australia!

In celebration of being a very-nearly-published YA author (her book will come out in September of this year), Steph is hosting a contest for other aspiring YA authors on her book blog.  Here’s what she has to say:

I am giving away First Five Pages critiques! So if you’re an aspiring YA novelist, interested in getting a bit of feedback from, um, me (a soon-to-be published YA author and real live bonafide teenager), this is the competition for you! There will be five winners, but if there are over 100 entries I’ll announce a few more.

To enter this contest you have to:

  • Be a Google Friend Connect follower of this blog (in the sidebar on the left), just click Follow.

For extra entries:

  • Post about this contest on your own blog (an actual post! Include a link.) +10 bonus entries
  • Tweet about the contest with a link to this blog (include a link to the tweet in your comment) +3
  • Sign up for my mailing list +2
  • Follow or subscribe through a feed, Networked Blogs on Facebook, or Bloglovin’ (all links on left sidebar) +1
  • Put a link to this competition in the sidebar of your blog +1

To enter, just comment below. Be sure to include your links, and I’ll add up your entries.

Competition closes January 18th at 11:59 PM AEST, and will be announced the following day. Winners will be selected randomly with Random.org. Quick, start spreading the word!

(Although at her link, there are more pretty pictures.)

Check out the contest, and her book blog, here!

  • Share/Bookmark

January 3, 2010

HAP Interviewed!: Interview Repost from Breathe Me

Breathe Me Interviews Hayley Anne Perkins

Originally Posted 08 December 2009

First let’s talk about Green in general and then get into more of you, Hayley Anne Perkins, as a person. Here you go.

Breathe Me: What was your inspiration to begin writing Green?

Hayley Anne Perkins: Well, that’s sort of a tricky question. I really have no idea! I never sat down and said, “OK, I’d like to write a novel. I’d like for it to have fantastical elements and historical fiction, and lots of kissyface, and… and…” Instead, Green and the rest of the Metempsyche universe feel very organic to me. It’s the story I was always meant to write.
More specifically, and less cheesily, the idea for the basic identity of Lindy’s character — a high school girl who was literally the embodiment of the universe, of all history — came to me when I was sixteen myself. However, her name wasn’t Lindy, she was a cheerleader, and the rest of the world in which she lived was pretty much nonexistent. Oh, and she was supposed to fight secret agents or something, I don’t know. I tried a few times to write her story, but it never panned out since I didn’t really have any direction. I never got further than a prologue full of shadowy no-ones.

I never forgot about the idea, but I also stopped attempting to do anything about it until one early early morning about six months after my college graduation. I went back to campus to visit my best friend, who writes comic books and comes up with, probably, a story idea a day. I fully maintain that there’s just some sort of fantastical idea-bug in the air wherever she is, because I fell asleep… I woke up at five o’clock in the morning… wrote 25 pages of what was to be Green… and fell back asleep. When I woke at a more reasonable time, I found the pages, reread what I’d written, and just felt that it was right.

BM: How do you feel about people calling your Daniel Haliburton the new Edward Cullen?

HAP: Flattered, embarrassed, incredulous, awed, bemused, and a little terrified. And that doesn’t even get into what I think about it — just how I feel!

BM: The book isn’t even released yet and you have very devoted people wishing to read this, I include myself among this, why would you think that is? What aspects have helped?

HAP: I think that it definitely helps that paranormal romance is so popular right now. People are always looking, right now, for the next book they can really sink their teeth into (pun slightly intended) in the genre, but the typical stories about human-girl-meets-supernatural-boy are becoming overplayed in a lot of readers’ minds. I think that the idea that, while Lindy does meet a beautiful supernatural boy in Green, she’s more powerful than he is, appeals to readers who are frustrating with YA heroines who are little more than dishrags. That’s definitely not to say that’s the fate of all, or even most, YA heroines in the paranormal romance genre, but it is the trope that’s being bandied about the most in mainstream pop culture right now. I think, though, that paranormal romance — and YA in general — have the potential to give their audience protagonists who are hugely positive female role models and literary heroines who are entertaining in their own right.

BM: How long ago did you begin writing the book?

HAP: Well, like I said, I very originally started about seven years ago now, but the actual full text of Green was written in late 2008 and early 2009.

BM: Why do you think the few people who read your book at the July 2009 Focus Group identify themselves so much with Lindy?

HAP: Personally, I think — well, I hope — that it’s because Lindy is very much her own person. My goal was to make her relatable because of her uniqueness — I mean, how many people are actually the universe? — than to go the route of leaving her a blank canvas or vessel. Lindy has definite likes and dislikes, true friendships and friendships of convenience, and reacts to her explorations of the supernatural world in the way that I think I would… with wonder and wit, but also a small struggle to believe that everything is real.

BM: I understand the love story in Green between Lindy and Daniel is a driving force for the novel, was developing it hard?

HAP: Not at all! That was actually the easiest part of the novel for me. Again, I didn’t really sit down and decide that Daniel would exist, or be a werewolf, or love Lindy. He just is, and does. I really enjoy writing them together and I can’t even explain my excitement over people’s acceptance of their story.

BM: You started writing ever since you were three years old, why do you think you were so interested in the written word?

HAP: Probably because when you’re three and can write, it gets you a lot of attention! Plus, I had a really hard time as a child understanding that it wasn’t that my peers didn’t want to talk to me at two or three years old… it was that they didn’t know how!

My parents also made sure that books and reading were a huge part of our home. Every week my dad and I would walk to the library, which was in a white building with vines climbing up the walls, and I was allowed to check out as many books as I wanted. We read together every night, and for a long time, I felt a closer kinship to book characters than to other kids.

Until I was in third grade, I didn’t know that it would be possible for me to create characters. Sure, I sometimes wrote stories with little names that I liked taking the place of my own for the protagonists, but I didn’t really consider them characters — just fake versions of myself. I assumed that I had to write stories about the characters that greater minds had birthed — Gloria Gopher, Kirsten Larson, Karen Brewer, Jesse Bear — because the act of creating a whole new person (or anthropomorphic thing) seemed sacred and mystical. I wrote hundreds of stories in preschool, kindergarten, early elementary school, all using the characters that other people created, just because I legitimately believed that I was not worthy of such a thing. I was just a kid, I couldn’t make a person.

In third grade, my teacher finally told me that I couldn’t keep writing about other people’s characters because it was a breach of copywright.

I… was shocked.

Not only COULD I create characters… but I was SUPPOSED to invent these people for the stories in my mind? I could put names to the faces that crowded mental corners and give them likes and dislikes and backgrounds and histories and parents and siblings and favorite foods and enemies and quirks like preferring to wear socks with pom-poms (which one of my first independent characters did)?

It was, perhaps, the most profound epiphany I had ever had.

It may still be. It’s debatable.

At any rate, my writing career really started with, oh, seventeen years of writing fanfiction.

BM: When writing a story, what do you think is the most important aspect to have in mind? Complete Plot? Character development? Character relationships? Dialogue?

HAP: Character relationships, because otherwise, there’s no way to anchor the flow of the plot, the development of said characters, or the basis for the dialogue.

BM: If you could choose a character from a book to bring to life and speak to him/her, who would it be and why? It can be any character from any book ever written.

HAP: Ray Smith of The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac, because… he is Jack Kerouac. Anyone who thinks or speaks with the rambling beauty of Ray Smith/Jack Kerouac is someone who fascinates me.

BM: There are many people in my class that have never finished a book because they find no interest in them, what book would you recommending for young readers like them to become more fond of reading?

HAP: I will never not recommend Harry Potter. To anyone. For any reason. Platform 9-3/4 is where already more than one generation set out on their journey towards reading, and for very good reason. Harry Potter is the only book (series) I can think of that can appeal equally to children, teens, and adults; women and men; all races, religions, and nationalities. Every person wants to believe that one day, an owl will swoop in through their window and tell them that after everything else is said and done, they are special, because they are loved.

BM: Name your favorite art piece.

HAP: Michelangelo’s Pietà

BM: Name your favorite book.

HAP: Argh! WAY too many to name. See http://www.hayleyanneperkins.com/recommended.php and name any book there, and it has been my favorite at some point in my life.

BM: Name your favorite mythological creature.

HAP: Hmm. I don’t know if I can share without spoiling! I’m getting a little anxious trying to decide on one, because it feels unfair to the rest of my characters. Haha!

BM: Who is your favorite author? Does he or she inspire your writing in any way?

HAP: My two favorite authors are JK Rowling and Jack Kerouac, and they both inspire me hugely in different ways. JK Rowling is, to me, the epitome of “the author.” The difference in my mind between a writer and an author is the depth of the world they created, how much they respect that world, how much they respect our world, and how much they respect their readers, who bridge the two. JK Rowling’s Harry Potter universe is as multilayered and rich as our own, and she stays very consistent within it — she always has a clear and logical reason or history behind every decision that affects her characters within it. She also has shown so much social responsibility and understanding of her influence in “the real world,” and she never condescends to her readers, even when the series she never intended to be for children became popular with kids. She’s an amazing inspiration and to be like her will always be my ultimate, unattainable goal. When I lose faith in the world, I read Rowling. Jack Kerouac, in contrast, just reminds me every time I read him of how beautiful words can be. When I lose faith in words, I read Kerouac.

BM: Roberto Bolaño used to say that it is very important to write different stories at a time, would you agree with him or would you say that it is better to focus on just one story at a time?

HAP: I think that’s true, but there will always be the story that’s tied most into your soul and your bones and your heart that will bubble up to be the strongest and clearest and best. I worked on all four books in The Metempsyche Novels simultaneously, but focused the most on Green; now, I’m focusing the most on Red, but also working on the next two books, the short stories of the secondary characters, and a few other things.

BM: J.K Rowling, for example, wrote the epilogue for Harry Potter before starting the books, did you do something like that for The Metempsyche Novels or are you just letting it be?

HAP: I do know the epilogue, but I haven’t written it, just because I don’t want to jinx anything being cut by the publishers when it’s time for a final editing.

BM: When you write a book with this much magic and creatures, is it harder to write because you have to think of a deeper reason for everything or is it easier since you can practically do anything?

HAP: Oh… my… gosh, I have never researched anything in my life as much as I research every aspect of every particle of dust in the supernatural world of the Metempsyche novels. The mythos of every supernatural creature is very inspired by existing legend, available science, historical ideas… and of course, all of Lindy’s past lives are as historically accurate as I could make them. Writing this series is not exactly a Saturday afternoon frolic of the imagination, that’s for sure. In my opinion, reason is the difference between a good book and a great book (which is another lesson from JK Rowling!). The deeper you can get into the world of your characters, the more places they can lead you in developing their story, rather than you having to try to force along a plotline that is as thin as dental floss. If you really understand your characters and their environment, then their linear arc can split off into a great golden web like Priori Incantatem, and your work can feel round and complete. It’s the difference between a book you love and a book that changes the way you approach reading, writing, and seeing. The most successful stories know exactly why their mythologies function the way they do (even if it’s just convincing technobabble!). If you don’t know the parameters of your magical beings, they’ll stretch and stretch until suddenly things sparkle that probably shouldn’t. To break the rules, you need to know which directions they already bend.

BM: Who was the first person, apart from you, to read this book?

HAP: My friend Jacee and my editor Suzanne read it as I wrote, to keep me progressing forward instead of editing too much and impeding my own goals.

BM: Now for a typical question, what advice do you give young people that aspire to be writers some day?

HAP: Read. And write.

  • Share/Bookmark

December 11, 2009

A Christmas Story

For Halloween, I posted a “scary story” that I wrote at age eleven and lovely commenter Jacee left this request:

I guess it’s just that your writing has always been so You, regardless of how much it has improved.

Anyway, loved this little ‘blast from Hayley’s past.’ (How about a feature? *Waggles eyebrows.*)

Comment by Jacee — October 29, 2009 @ 1:18 pm

Rummaging through one of my old backup CDs today, I found something worthy of her request (and fittingly embarrassing for a nostalgic holiday like Christmas) — my seventh-grade retelling of The Nutcracker.  For some reason, only half the file survived and the other is in unintelligible dings, but here you go.  In seventh grade, I was in the midst of writing “my first novel” and felt like a Very Serious Writer, so that may excuse that this story is very little more than a long list of Things That Are Pretty In Ballet And At Christmastime.

But, probably not.

Just please remember: I wrote this at twelve.  Forgive me.  And have a very happy holiday season.  I know I’ll be decorating my Christmas tree and eating cookies this afternoon!

Clara and her Nutcracker Prince

Once upon a time, on Christmas Eve, in a grand, large house in Nuremberg, Germany, a girl about nine years old, wearing a fine, rich party dress of pale blue velvet, the sash about her waist dotted with gay blue sprays of flowers, stood on tiptoe at the picture window, watching the snow swirl over the path that led up to the door.

“Move aside! I want to see,” complained her brother, younger then she – six years old – his plum breeches and jacket dusted with confectioners’ sugar from stolen crescent cookies, as he pushed her away.

“Fritz, there’s room enough for the both of us if we each take a side and not the center,” said the girl, exasperated, brushing crumbs off her dress where Fritz had pushed her.  Just then, the two children, fighting for a better view then the other, saw four candles bobbing up the walk in the darkening December sky, glittering with stars.

“They’re here!  The Clausses are here!” shouted the girl, her flaxen curls whipping over her shoulder as she turned and ran to the door.  Fritz scrambled after her, his short, stumpy legs racing, but still, she beat him to it.  She flung the heavy oak door with an evergreen wreath, ornamented with red bows, gold beads, and alight with tiny white candles, open; washing the visitors with welcoming, rosy light.

“Merry Christmas!  Please come inside!” she said, her blue-green eyes shining like gems.

“Thank you Clara!  Don’t you look nice?  May we go into the parlor?” said Frauline Clauss, setting her plump two-year-old, Merisha, down on the floor on her plump, sturdy legs, and removed her scarlet-red cloak.  Merisha, her dark, fine curls dusted with gentle snowflakes, toddled heavily up to Clara and held up her butter-colored linen dress, dripping with pure white lace, up so high it revealed her pantaloons, the color of fresh snow, up to see.

“Yook, Cyara, yook!  My dwess is pwetty!  I’m a big guwl, at a pawty!”  Exclaimed Merisha, mispronouncing, as she always did, her Rs and Ls.

“Oh, yes Merry-berry, you are so big!  You must be a big girl, to be at such a grown-up party!  Mother and Father will bring Marie out in a minute, for you to play with.  Would you like that?”  Clara asked, catching the eye of the oldest Clauss girl, Teresa, her best friend, who gave her a small wink and a slight smile.  Merisha smiled and nodded, then stuck her index finger in her mouth, and chewed on it thoughtfully.

“Wiew Mawie have a pwetty dwess too?”  She asked suspiciously.

“Well, yes, of course,” answered Clara and Teresa at the same time.  Teresa had come up and was standing beside Clara, the hood of her deep crimson cloak pushed back on her neck, revealing her dark, shiny hair and enormous pale turquoise bow.

“Wiew Mawie’s dwess be pwettiew then mine?” asked Merisha nervously, eyeing her dress with sudden distrust.  Teresa knelt and gently took her sister’s finger out of her mouth and held her hands.

“Merry-berry, do you know what?” she asked, her eyes on Merisha’s.  Merisha shook her head.  “Your dress is very pretty, and nothing will change that.  Even if Marie’s dress is pink, yours will still be very pretty.”   Teresa stood up again and Merisha smiled.  Meanwhile, Fritz and Teresa’s younger brother, Johann, had paired up and were running and whooping, up and down the hallways of the foyer.

“Johann kept sneaking taffies and got his suit all sticky,” whispered Teresa to Clara as she removed her cloak and handed it to Apia, the maid.  Teresa’s dress was a pale turquoise; with a smocked bust and edelweiss patterned white lace edging the bottom, square cut neck, and balloon sleeves.  Johann was wearing a little sailor suit, the color of the evergreen trees that guarded the house on both sides of the front walk, the trimmings as red as the winter berries the birds ate off the bushes.

Then, countless more numbers of guests arrived– the Rievangentds, all dresses in white like a flock of angels, the Gustavs, who had a tiny baby, in a long white lace gown and cap, whom everyone admired, the Jaques, immigrants from France several years ago, who were always right in with the fashions and the daughter, Clarice, had lovely auburn hair, which Clara envied.  Then, at the door stood a frightening old man, his gray hair frizzy and wild, a black silk patch over one eye, the other eye gray and hard as steel.

He wore a long, black cape and a black suit with a red tie.  He leaned heavily on a black onyx cane with a tarnished silver owl head at the top.  Behind him stood a boy, Clara’s age, with well-combed wavy black hair and eyes that seemed sapphires implanted in his face.   He carried gifts of all sizes, wrapped in gay, shining papers and with ribbons more enormous then Teresa’s hair bow.

Promptly Merisha, Marie, and all the other small children began to whimper at the man’s odd and slightly mangled appearance. The boys brandished toy swords and cap guns, ready to attack the enemy. The older girls all gasped and threw their arms around each other in fright. But Clara ran up to the old man and threw her arms around his neck.

“Godfather Drosselmeyer!” she cried in delight.

“Clara, you look marvelous!” he said, twirling her around in the air.

Clara’s eyes drifted away from her loving Godfather’s face to the boy. She smiled shyly, then looked away and blushed.

“Clara, this is my new assistant, Michel,” said Herr Drosselmeyer as he gestured toward the boy.

“What happened to Pyotr?”

“Pyotr?”

“Yes. He was your assistant last year. The one who replaced Freindle.”

“Oh, oh, yes. Pyotr,” he made a sound of disgust, “Pyotr told many of the village boys and girls I was a wizard, and they kept bringing me sisters, brothers, enemies, all wanting me to turn them to toads. Or rats. Snakes, lizards, pigs.”

“Oh.” Clara was a little surprised that anyone would think that her dear, dear Herr Drosselmeyer was an evil wizard. Just then, Apia and her other maids Heidi, Jenica, and Florentine opened the white doors to the parlor and the women, on the arms of the men, walked inside, their full skirts brushing the doorframe.

Then, the children rushed in the door and then stopped abruptly in awe of the giant Christmas tree. The huge evergreen, full and fat, fragrant and proud, stood towering almost to the ceiling. It glittered with tiny blown glass animals, golden beads, silver stars, small white birds made of feathers dipped in glue, reflecting in the light made by hundreds, it seemed, of tiny white candles in golden lace-paper holders. Under the tree, presents wrapped in shining foils, colored papers, and large, glistening ribbons were piled high.

On the long, well-polished cherry wood buffet table next to the redbrick fireplace, large roast chickens, surrounded by bread stuffing, potatoes, celery and herbs were next to fragrant hams, shining with glaze and filled with soft, hot apples. All around them sat quivering jellies, green, red, and white, and bowls filled to bursting with roasted and parmentier potatoes, thick, creamy soups, dotted with herbs. There were oblong dishes full of green beans with butter or asparagus hollandaise.  There were soft white rolls, slices of hard dark brown bread, and bread made from rice.

There was a large wreath of fragrant evergreen bough over the fireplace mantle, under which a warm and welcoming fire burned, fed with colorful wax-dipped pine cones which Clara and Teresa had made one crisp afternoon in October, when they were just starting to run out of last year’s.  On the mantle stood small elf statues, made of porcelain and china, painted with the colors of cardinal, grass, poppies, lemon drops, sugarplums, and the ocean.   There was a small rented orchestra, from which floated sweet strains of gay Christmas music.    Clarice, her auburn hair combed until it shone like ice, wearing an ivy colored velvet dress with balloon sleeves and red lace edging the neck, sleeves, and hem, was looking at the shining silver flutes, deep-polished violin, viola, and cello.

Clara listened blissfully to the clarinet and oboe’s pungent strains.   The adults were whirling gaily in a waltz, the women’s skirts swirling and the scent of sweet perfumes filling the air as they passed.   Frauline Silberhaus (Clara’s mother), was greeting her guests as graciously as one could hope, even though Marie, in a pale lavender linen dress with a smocked bodice, was pulling at her skirt.   Clara, Teresa, Clarice, Floria Rievangentd and Opal Gustav, watched their mothers swirl and dip on the arms of their fathers.  They also had a small quarrel, over whose mother was the finest.   Frauline Silberhaus, in a bright lilac velvet dress with leg o’ mutton sleeves and a high neck, all studded with seed pearls, was indeed beautiful.   Like a sugar plum, Clara thought, as her parents whirled past and the scent of her mother’s perfume, Lily of the Valley, lingered behind to tickle her nose.

Then, the cook, Lies, and Apia, the maid, called to everyone that they could sit at the long, shining table covered with a snowy lace tablecloth.   The children all sat at one end of the table, the adults at the other.  Clara was sandwiched between  Michel and Teresa.   As she ate her chicken and potatoes, ham and apples, and white roll spread thickly with sweet, creamy butter, she couldn’t help but glance over at Michel once in a while.  Teresa noticed this and bit her lip to keep from giggling, but kicked Clara’s ankle gently under the table.  As she sipped her creamy rice soup, with bits of potato, beef, and small slivers of beans, she glanced once again and caught his eye.  She blushed and didn’t look over again.  Teresa’s giggling didn’t make her feel any better.

Clara was absolutely stuffed, but even so, she managed to eat a slice of creamy apple chiffon pie, with a swirl of sweet whipped cream, and vanilla ice cream.

After supper, the adults all sat and talked of the news of the town, and the children played a game of Needle-in-a-Haystack.  Then, seeing that the children were restless and the adults were quieted, Herr Drosselmeyer gestured to Michel and nodded.  Michell left the room into the hall, and pulling it by a rope, brought in an enormous present, wrapped in lilac and blush colored foil, with a blush bow at the top.  The children all rushed towards the box, and the adults leaned forward in their seats.

“Children!  Sit in a circle around the box.  Let the littlest ones up front, so they can see.  That’s much better…tallest to the back.  Good!” Herr Drosselmeyer instructed.  Once the arrangement pleased him, he untied the hug ribbon and the walls of the box collapsed and disappeared, revealing three life-sized dolls.  One, a ballerina, standing on her toes.  The second, a soldier, sword in hand.  Last, a mouse, with a crown on it’s head and a regal robe on his shoulders.

The ballerina had red-gold hair in sausage curled pigtails, tied with very large white bows, printed with Christmas trees and cardinals.   She had very pale, creamy white skin with red circles painted on her cheeks.   She had lifelike blue eyes, which looked almost as though they could laugh and cry like the childrens’ own.  She was wearing a stiff skirt made of white net tulle with white, green, and red satin drapes.  Her bodice was white satin and closely enveloped her stiff body.  She wore green stockings and red satin shoes with ribbons around her ankles, and she stood on the tips of her toes.  Her pale, stiff arms were parallel to the ground, with her elbows bent so her hands faced towards the sky.

The soldier had painted cheeks like the ballerina’s, but he wore a bright red and blue soldier’s uniform with silver medals and trimmings.  He stood at attention, with sword in hand.  The mouse was covered in gray plush, and had a regal golden crown on his head and purple-blue gold trimmed robe over is shoulders, clasped at the front with a ruby brooch.

When Herr Drosselmeyer clapped his hands, the ballerina sprung to life.  She danced backward, moving her legs up and down, touching her toes to her knee, while alternating legs.  She did quick, perfect turns, and high, quiet jumps.   Then, she landed from a perfect jump with ten leg-beats, and stood in quiet, serene stillness.  Drosselmeyer clapped again, and the soldier began to march.  Then he went into perfect, high militarious jumps and turns, intertwined with military marches and salutes. Then, the mouse began to dance.

He moved fluidly and silently, in a way that sent shivers up and down Clara’s spine.  Then, they fell silent, and the children stood up and screamed cheers until they were hoarse.

All the children, that is, except Fritz.  He sat there, on the floor, and frowned.  He thought the dolls were dumb, especially the soldier. That wasn’t how REAL soldiers marched and fought.  He stood up and whispered something to Johann, who nodded and whispered something to Pierre (Clarice’s younger brother), who whispered something to Tomas Gustav, who whispered it to Sebastien Rievangentd.  Then, they all sat down and, stony faced began to complain and boo and hiss the dolls.  Then, Fritz stood up and said, “That thing,” he pointed disgustedly to the soldier doll, “is a disgrace to all of Germany’s army.  And every other countries’ too.  We,” he gestured towards his friends, “will now show you how real soldiers march and fight.”

All the boys stood up, pulled out their dull silver swords and cap guns, and began to march in a straight formation, led by General Fritz Silberhaus.  Then, they stopped, turned to face the dolls, and at Fritz’s call of “CHARGE!,” they lunged at the dolls, poking with their sword and shooting their cap guns.  The girls screamed and cried and threw themselves over the dolls, being constantly poked by dull metal and hit by the corks of cap guns.

Then, Drosselmeyer, eyes practically on fire, swooped down in front of the boys and shooed them away.  The ladies rushed to the aid of their sobbing daughters and, in a cloud of perfume, pulled them up.  None of them were really badly hurt, Teresa had a darkening bruise on her upper left cheekbone where Johann had smacked her with the barrel of his cap gun, Clarice had a small red mark on her neck where she had been shot with a cap gun, and Clara had a long, shallow cut on her face where Fritz had cut her with his sword.  Floria and Opal had long, wide bruises on their legs where their brothers had kicked them.  All of the girls had rumpled dresses and tangled hair, and they all fell against heir mothers, sobbing.  The boys were being scolded by their fathers and were sent out to the hall, with Apia to watch them, for ten minutes.  The girls calmed down and were sitting playing with their dolls, some floppy rag dolls, some expensive china dolls, imported from places like Austria, America, or the Oriental Empire.

Clara’s doll was a china doll with a stuffed cloth body, pale white skin, shiny, curled brown hair tied with a violet silk ribbon, and wearing a violet silk dress, white apron, white stockings, and violet ankle-boots.  Her name was Meg March, and she was from America, a character in a story called Little Women.  Then, Clara’s doll brushed the cut on her face, and Clara cried out, softly and sharply, in pain.  Herr Drosselmeyer, doctor as he was, reached into his bag and put a slimy balm on her cut.  It stung and burned for a moment, then her pain subsided, her cheek numb.

Then, just as the boys were being allowed back in, Herr Drosselmeyer handed Clara a package wrapped in bright, shining blue paper, with a yellow ribbon.  She eagerly untied the ribbon and threw the lid off the box, then flung the sheets of thin, translucent tissue paper away from the gift inside.  Then, she pulled out a strange wooden doll, with a very large wooden jaw.  He had a painted soldier’s outfit with silver and gold painted metallic medals.  His arms moved up and down from the shoulders, his legs bent at the knees so he could march.  It’s a nutcracker! Thought Clara with delight.  She had seen the cheerful, smiling dolls in the frosted window of Schuelebenn’s Confectionery every year around this time, starting around Saturnalia and taken out around the New Year, and she had always wanted one.  She had never asked, but Herr Drosselmeyer knew everything, even the unspoken.  She hugged the Nutcracker, and danced around the festive, fanciful hall, showing him to all the guests.

“Oh, Godfather Drosselmeyer, thank you!” she cried, holding the nutcracker out to one side as she threw herself at her godfather, so as not to crush the nutcracker (or hurt her godfather, who was quite elderly).  But, as she did, her grip loosened, and Fritz lunged.  He grabbed the nutcracker, and holding it high over his head, began to spin violently, so the nutcracker flew out of his hands, purposely mind you, and smashed against the hard wood floor with a nauseating crunch.  Clara shrieked and sprinted towards her injured soldier, and as Fritz was about to jump on his head, she shoved him out of the way and fell to her knees, sobbing.  She scooped up her beloved nutcracker, the right side of his jaw completely cracked off.  Teresa, Clarice, Floria, and Opal ran to Clara and collapsed around her, crooning sympathetic words and offering her their small, lean purses with only a few marks each to her so she could buy a new one.  But Clara was inconsolable, sobbing and shaking, her eyes buried in the nutcracker’s soft fuzzy “hair”.

Michel and Drosselmeyer ran to Clara and shooed the girls away. Michel pulled a clean, white handkerchief out of the pocket of his navy blue velvet suit-coat, and handed it to Drosselmeyer, who bandaged the Nutcracker’s jaw.

“I’ll fix it in the morning Clara. You won’t be able to tell he was ever injured,” Drosselmeyer said, glancing out of the corner of his eye to see Fritz being pulled out of the room by his ear. Michel, who had disappeared, returned pushing a doll’s bed, brass, with curlicues and carved stars, and the soft, cushiony mattress covered by a lace coverlet, into the room. He stopped beside Clara and gently took the nutcracker away. She held firm for a moment; she was not going to let any boy touch him ever again! – Then, reluctantly, she let Michel take him and lay him in the bed, covered by the lacy doily. Then, Drosselmeyer helped Clara up; she was a little weak from crying, and said-

“Never mind the Nutcracker. He is a soldier, of course, and will be fine. Have a good time, the party will be over soon and I don’t want you to have a ruined Christmas night!” he looked at the orchestra and said, “Jingle Bells.” And the orchestra began to play. The children, two by two, began to promenade. Although all the girls wished it, Clara was chosen by Michel, and they led the small troupe of dancer around and around the hall, laughing. Teresa, who was dancing with Sebastien, winked at Clara and laughed and Clara stuck out her tongue at her best friend. Teresa looked hurt for a moment, then began to laugh. Although no one else knew why they were laughing, they began to laugh to, and the peals of laughter soon overpowered the music. Madame Jaques, who was wearing a blush-rose velvet dress with an ivory brocade shawl, looked at Michel and Clara, and turned to Frauline Silberhaus.

“I think your daughter is a little in love,” she said, in her heavily accented, but musical and fluid German.

Frauline Silberhaus looked at Madame Jaques and said, “No, that’s absurd,” and she laughed, but the laugh was tense, because when she looked into Clara’s eyes, she knew it was so. The large Grandfather clock, a gift from Drosselmeyer after an expedition to Scotland, chimed ten, and the party was over.

The Gustavs were first to leave, the baby, Angelinne, had to be put to bed. And as Opal donned her periwinkle cape, trimmed with pure white polar bear fur and embroidered with silver snowflakes, and her white gloves, which were a present from Clara she had received tonight, looked at Clara, standing guard over the tiny doll’s bed with Michel at her side, and shook her head. She didn’t understand that girl. The Rievangentds left soon afterward, and Floria, who was green with envy because she had not been chosen by Michel, did not even look again at Clara, as she tied the hood of her red cloak over her black curls and pale orange dress.

The Jaques left a few minutes later, after Clarice had kissed Clara’s cheek and told her what a nice party it was, and, as they walked out the door, Madame Jaques gave Frauline Silberhause an “I told you so” look. The Clausses left last, and as Teresa walked past Clara, she whispered “Luck is with you tonight!” in her ear softly, and Clara felt her ears darken scarlet. Drosselmeyer had already packed the dolls into his shiny black Renault automobile, and called to Michel. Michel turned to Clara and softly said, “It was a lovely party,” then he shook her hand. Clara found she could not let go, it was as if one of Drosselmeyer’s “hand in the cookie jar” spells had been placed on her. She looked square into Michel’s eyes and heard her mother, somewhere distant, far away, calling “Clara, Clara! It’s time for bed! You must let them go, it is hard and dangerous to drive at night!” and she thought maybe she heard Drosselmeyer calling Michel, but she wasn’t sure, she was far away, in a cloud, not in Germany, not on Earth, but somewhere far, far away, flying farther and farther away. Her mother came towards her and placed a hand on her shoulder, and was gently pulling her away, back to Earth. Drosselmeyer was doing the same to Michel, but the children refused to release hands. But Drosselmeyer pried their fingers apart and pulled Michel away, towards the door.

Later, as Clara was undressing and putting her nightgown on, she kept thinking about her nutcracker, alone and unprotected, downstairs in the dark. As she untied her sash, she saw Fritz grab the doll. She slipped the dress over her head and saw the nutcracker fly through the air. She stepped out of her stockings and saw it smash…. and smash….and smash again. She threw her nightgown over her head and, a blur of white lace, flew down the stairs wearing nothing but her nightgown and dressing shoes. She ran down the stairs for a long time, it seemed to her, forever. She ran down and down and down but never moved, she passed the same glittering chandelier, which reflected rainbows on the white and blue fleur-de-lis wallpaper although no light was hitting it.

She finally reached the hall where the tiny bed lay, overpowered completely by the enormous Christmas tree. She had to stumbled over to the Christmas tree, which had only two small candles, burned nearly to nothing, left lit. She grabbed one so she could se where she was going, and sat down beneath the tree beside her injured soldier’s tiny bed. She intended to carry him upstairs to her room so she wouldn’t have to worry about him there, all alone, but it was so late (the grandfather clock had just struck twelve midnight), and the tree was so dazzling, she couldn’t help but fall asleep.

Later, she awoke when she heard a strange skittering across the hard wooden floor, and a squeak.  She opened her eyes looked around in disbelief.  She saw the toys, cookies, and the tree, but they seemed ten times too large. Have they all grown up… or have I grown down? She wondered, stupefied.  Then, an enormous mouse, with seven heads, each wearing a numbered golden grown with a single ruby on each, and a sapphire on the largest, the one for his main head.  He had a large army of mice behind him and they all carried swords, and three pushed a cannon and a huge supply of ammunition…. Gum drops? And the toys were all alive, the cookies too, and they had hand grenades of jawbreakers, and bombs of powdered donuts.

Then, she saw the nutcracker, his jaw in a sling, at the head of the army of toys and cookies, and the mouse king-general yelled, “CHARGE!”  The mice rushed at the toys and cookies, and the Nutcracker’s army began to fight.  Three mice had captured Meg, who had been left downstairs in a dazed walk upstairs with mother.  Meg was… yes, she was screaming…as they tied her down to the railroad track of Fritz’s toy train.   A mouse started the train up and Clara covered her eyes, not daring to watch, but the nutcracker saved her and shooed her away to be a nurse for the injured cookie (she used frosting to re-attach broken limbs).  Fritz’s jungle-man doll and Marie’s rag doll Byurght, climbed up the tree and bombed the mouse’s army camp below, but Byurght fell – right into the mouse king’s arms, and he threw her aside and she collapsed.  Now, all the cookies were crumbled and the toy’s springs were not springing and their gears were all grinding, but the mouse king attacked once again.

Seven mice surrounded the nutcracker and the mouse king held his sword above the nutcracker’s throat and laughed an evil laugh.  Clara shrieked, “Oh, don’t you hurt my nutcracker!” and in rage, she took of her small, narrow, satin dressing shoe and aimed at the mouse king’s head.  She threw with all her might and hit him square between the eyes.  He swayed and fell down, dead.  His army, now outnumbered, ran away through the cracks in the walls in terror.  But, they didn’t get away before the nutcracker had cut off crown number seven.  Then, he placed it on Clara’s head, and then, a brilliant pink and gold light filled the dark hall, so bright that Clara had to cover her eyes with her lower arm.  But, she did look out as he golden hair swirled around her face and her nightgown whipped back in the wind.  Her nutcracker was now a handsome prince.  Why, he looks just like Michel! Thought Clara.

“Clara, first you were kind to me, and now you have saved my life!  Would you please come back to my kingdom with me and be my princess?” asked the handsome prince as he bent to kiss her hand.

“Of course!  The prince of Germany was my nutcracker?” she said, astonished.

“No! Of course not! I’m Prince Lemonpop, from the candy kingdom.  My stepmother turned me into a nutcracker two months ago, and she said I could only be a boy again if I could get a girl to love me, be the general of an army, win a battle, and retrieve the seventh crown of the evil mouse king, Jubileo.  A tall order to fill, wasn’t it?” he said, and laughed.

“Th…The CANDY kingdom?! You’re the prince of candy?” she asked, nearly yelling with delight.

“Of course!  Caramel! Pudding!” he called, and two fuzzy bumble bees with a dark brown sleigh between them appeared out of nowhere to whisk them away.

“Taste the carriage,” urged the prince with a smile.

“Taste the carriage?” Clara asked wrinkling her nose.

“Just taste it… I promise it’s good!” he said and broke a small chunk off his side of the carriage and handed it to her.  She sniffed it suspiciously and then- “It’s chocolate!” she cried in delight, and stuffed the sticky, sweet mass into her mouth and small rivers of chocolate oozed from the sides of her mouth.  As she giggled, she raised her hand to wipe her mouth only to find that her simple white nightgown had transformed into a shimmering, iridescent gown of shimmering satin and glazed lace, embedded with diamonds and silver glitter.  Then they passed into a snow-laden forest with silver trees and tiny, pearly birds. The snowflakes turned, flipped, and danced for them.

Then the snow queen, in a frosty white dress, on the arm of her frozen cavalier – “Jack Frost!” Clara cried in delight later – pointed their way to a licorice bridge over a river of vanilla seltzer. Clara dipped her hand over the side and sipped the frothy delight, then hiccuped, and the price laughed.  Then they reached the most marvelous, dreamy place Clara had ever seen.  There was the lake of seltzer, which changed flavors, the prince said, with every hour, like the river.  Currently, it too, was vanilla.  It also could be chocolate, orange, grape, strawberry, lime, raspberry, caramel, peanut butter, cola, almond, or cherry.  On this lake, marzipan frogs sat on fruit leather lily pads, catching licorice flies.  On a green buttercream field nearby, white chocolate unicorns with horns of saltwater taffy lounged by spun-sugar lambs.  Small houses of sugar wafers or graham cracker stood in a neat row on the grape fruit leather street, while tiny gummy rabbits, squirrels, and chipmunks skittered across the buttercream lawns, while a few children ice skated on a rink of pineapple gelatin.  Then, a spectacular sight- the candy castle, pink frosted sugar cookie, with melted sugar windows and marshmallow crenellation.  The whole village glistened as if dusted by sugar but then, Clara thought, it is dusted by sugar in the candy kingdom.

Then, a tall, lean palace guard with a handlebar mustache and orange hair, who was accompanied by a short, stout guard with a goatee and yellow hair, saw the prince coming, and, fumbling and bumbling, pulled out his gold cornet and blasted three quick, staccato notes: C, E, G!  Then, in the bat of an eye, all the subjects of Garshmalderer (the formal name for the candy kingdom) were lining the chocolate shaving sidewalk up to the caramel drawbridge on licorice strings over the Seltzer River.  They bowed in a perfect wave as they walked by, Clara floating on the arm of her royal prince.  Once inside the castle, the prince was taken up stairs to his room, which had been kept clean for him in high hopes of his return.

  • Share/Bookmark

December 5, 2009

A Quick Meditation on the Holidays

I have this memory of December years and years ago, the first night I was allowed to walk home from M’s house after dark alone: it was snowing just a little, the snowflakes small as the eye of a needle and swirling around the few streetlights on their stone poles, causing the patches of air around the lamplights to shimmer like water.

I could see my small warm white breath chugging in front of me; I was bundled in my first black peacoat and matching black beret with pink woolen gloves and black prairie boots — no cat-eye glasses yet, but the first vestiges of me having the confidence to wear what I like (though I’d never wear prairie boots now). The snow came to just below the tops of those black prairie boots, below the treads was a thin layer of ice where people had been kind enough to shovel their walks — but most people were not — and I kicked the sides of the snowdrifts, spraying icy crystals in cold arcs from my toes.

It was the first night that I had felt, in a very long time, like M was my friend and the first night that I’d ever felt like I was going to grow up, and that was OK. I hated change, I hated the idea of growing up, but that night, it seemed like perhaps — just perhaps — I would be happier grown up than as a middle school girl.

I now consider that to be the single most obvious epiphany anyone has ever had.

But I stood on the corner of her street and mine and I looked to my left, at the sight I’d begged to walk home in the dark to see: the house that always won the neighborhood award for Best Christmas Decorations, lit from foundation to rooftop in tiny sparkling gumdrops of red, amber, blue, emerald, and silver-white, each light magnified in its glimmer by the swirling snow.   Over my other shoulder, though, was the view into the front windows of the neighborhood’s haunted house — it didn’t look scary that night, through the eyelet lace curtains the family living there at the time had hung, buttery golden light pouring out onto the expanse of snow in their front lawn.

It was beautiful.

  • Share/Bookmark

November 29, 2009

The Wisdom of Small Children

Earlier this week, at my grandfather’s funeral, the son of my dad’s cousin sat on my great-aunt’s lap and pulled out an Etch-A-Sketch.

“I’m drawling a picture for the girl I’m gonna marry,” he said proudly.  “She has brown hair and a birthday in April, just like me.  Her name is Charlene.  That’s spelled S-H-R-L-L-L-L-L.”

The night before, he’d asked me if I am bigger than a first-grader.

I said yes, and that I’m even bigger than a SEVENTEENTH-GRADER.  He looked amazed, and said that his friend Lauren is just a big first-grader.

Kids, man.

And now: A popular meme.

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

Better to be safe than… punch a 5th grader.

Never underestimate the power of… termites.

You can lead a horse to water but… how?

Don’t bite the hand that… looks dirty.

No news is… impossible.

A miss is as good as a… Mr.

You can’t teach an old dog new… math.

If you lie down with dogs, you’ll… stink in the morning.

Love all, trust… me.

The pen is mightier than the… pigs.

An idle mind is… the best way to relax.

Where there’s smoke there’s… pollution.

A penny saved is… not much.

Don’t put off till tomorrow what…you put on to go to bed.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and… you have to blow your nose.

None are so blind as… Stevie Wonder.

Children should be seen and not… spanked or grounded.

If at first you don’t succeed… get new batteries.

You get out of something what you… see pictured on the box.

When the blind leadeth the blind… get out of the way.

  • Share/Bookmark

November 4, 2009

NaNoWriMo Support Blog for The Penultimate Page

Read the original posting at The Penultimate Page or the NaNo Support ning.  Thanks, Emilee!


It happens to everyone.

You sit down at your computer, pull up WikiPedia to fact-check your Norse mythology…

And three hours later, you’re totally enthralled reading about the varieties of Japanese Kit-Kat bars.

As a writer, this is a totally normal progression of thought.  Writers are naturally interested in… well, everything.  No matter what genre you write, to flesh out a story is to create the world in which your characters live – often from the ground up: Do they live in a city or a town?  Is it a real place?  What’s the weather like, and how does that affect what your characters wear and do and drive (or not)?

Whether writing high fantasy or realistic contemporary chick lit, research is an essential part of the storycrafting process.

Say that you want to write an urban fantasy that sets a mortal girl from 1966 Chicago against a backdrop of Greek gods and teenage titans who take over the Art Institute.

Only… you were born in 1990, live in a suburban area of Kansas City, and you know nothing about Greek mythology beyond what you saw in Disney’s Hercules when you were eight.  And it was so scary that you cried and had to leave the room halfway through the film.

What do you need to research first?  And more importantly, how do you research it?

My personal opinion is the setting.  The first, and most salient, question to ask when researching a new setting is to explore your own motivations: Why do you want to set your story in that place – and at that time?

Before I make my next overarching statement, I need to own up: I was a History major in college.  I find research to be unbelievably fun, especially when it’s focused on cultural aspects that inform and shape the lives of characters (or, er, people).  So my next overarching statement about the research process of fiction is: Time is a place.

So for our sample plot bunny, you would need to research both “1966” and “Chicago” in the same way.  People, and characters, are products of both nurture and nature, and the “wheres” and “whens” of their existence dramatically shape the “whos” and “whys.”

In other words, changing someone’s clothing doesn’t make them live in any certain time period any more than simply saying that they live in Chicago means that they’re Chicagoan.  Think about your own life, and all of the things your “wheres” and “whens” affect: not just your clothing, but the foods you eat and the stores in which you shop, the kind of car your parents drive and the type of house you live in.  What was the first political event you remember?  Who was the first person you knew to say a “bad word” and what did they say?  What did you do when you came home from school, and what was your first job – or what do you think it will be?

What are your neighbors like?

How did you learn about sex?

Do you have to wear a school uniform?

How has your taste in music changed over the years?

As instinctive as the answers to these questions are in your own life, your character is not you.  At least, I hope not.  And at least not more than 15% you, as most characters are in some way inextricably tied to their creators.  All the same, you need to be able to answer these questions as quickly, certainly, and accurately for your characters as you did for yourself.

A good jumping point to discern just what aspects of your characters’ “whens” and “wheres” will be most important is the 100 Questions About Your Character survey (originally developed by tabletop gamers, but co-opted by writers everywhere).  You can find a clean copy at http://storywrite.com/contest/6584.

So now you know what you need to know.  But how to go about acquiring that knowledge?

Well, in my humble opinion – and on pain of death to anyone reading this who shares this tidbit with any of my old History professors – WikiPedia is a great place to start for basic outlines of information.  The key is to explore the depths of the “References” and “External Links.”  It’s like an ultra-concentrated Google search that doesn’t torture you with Boolean specifics – you can already reasonably guess that if the References on a page about Neighborhoods of Chicago says that it’s leading you to Wicker Park, it really is.  Score one for Web 2.0!

Of course, the flip side to WikiPedia’s greatness (besides those temptations to play The WikiPedia Game or clicking links until you end up looking at Japanese confectionery) is its overreaching broadness.  Great, so you’ve found a page on Neighborhoods of Chicago and it has eighty-six bajillion References.  How the heck do you know where to go and how to find just what you need to enhance your story?

My knee-jerk reaction is to advise that you read everything you can get your grubby little paws (sorry; werewolves on the brain!) on in regards to the world where your characters live.  Even the smallest details — the coloring of a candy wrapper, whether a street runs North-South or East-West — can prove to be integral to the integrity of your work.  Maybe your MC needs to chase Artemis down Wacker Drive.  Without research, a tense scene of hide-and-seek in the construction of its extension to the Lake Shore could never come to fruition, and a part of your plot arc would be lost.  You just never know!

However, I realize that most people have neither time nor gumption to read the encyclopedia.  I blame my own habit on the year I was in sixth grade, when I was so bored with classes that I decided to memorize the Almanac pages that came in our Assignment Notebooks.  However, the deeper you can get into the world of your characters, the more places they can lead you in developing their story, rather than you having to try to force along a plotline that is as thin as dental floss.  If you really understand your characters and their environment, then their linear arc can split off into a great golden web like Priori Incantatem, and your work can feel round and complete.  It’s the difference between a book you love and a book that changes the way you approach reading, writing, and seeing.

So take notes!  Whether you take notes manually – a great way to imprint the information you’re reading digitally, so you can rely more on your mind and less on said notes – or by bookmarking relevant pages, make sure that your hard work isn’t flowing in one ear and out the other.  Make columns for “Who,” “What,” “When,” “Where,” “Why,” and “How,” or categorize with a timetable of your characters’ day (Wake, Dress, Eat, School?, Work?, Eat, Free Time?, Sleep) to make sure you cover all of your bases.

The same rule goes for researching your supernatural creatures.  It isn’t enough to know the bare bones of their legends, or the image of what you’re trying to create.  The most successful stories know exactly why their mythologies function the way they do (even if it’s just convincing technobabble!).  If you don’t know the parameters of your magical beings, they’ll stretch and stretch until suddenly things sparkle that probably shouldn’t.   To break the rules, you need to know which directions they already bend.

So what does any of that have to do with Kit-Kat bars?

I have no idea.

But that’s the fun of worldbuilding.  Every world needs candy.

Some of my favorite research links:

http://www.foodtimeline.org/

http://www.flickr.com/groups/theretrokid/pool/

http://miss-vintage.com/

http://solomon.bltc.alexanderstreet.com/

http://asp6new.alexanderstreet.com/was2/was2.index.map.aspx

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/americanexperience/

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/

http://www.wikipedia.org

http://www.oxfordlanguagedictionaries.com/

http://online.sagepub.com/

http://www.tvparty.com/

http://www.retrojunk.com/

http://www.inthe80s.com/

http://www.inthe70s.com/

http://www.nytimes.com/

http://www.factmonster.com/spot/fashiontime1.html

http://www.ventrella.com/Ideas/grammar.html

  • Share/Bookmark

October 28, 2009

Sssspooky…

When I was in sixth grade, I set out to write a scary story for Halloween.

I just found it on my computer, and it is undeniably terrifying.

…I wrote it in Curlz MT size 16.  There’s nothing scarier than that when you’re over the age of twelve.

The Cave
By Hayley, Age Eleven.

In 1970, a young girl named Cydney Nouvell went into a mysterious cave in the town of Glacier Falls, Nebraska.  Cydney went in to explore.  She never came out to tell what she had found.

Come 1980, one of Cydney’s old friends, Maria Slate, went into the cave to complete Cydney’s exploration.  Cydney’s family waited anxiously to find out whether their beloved Cydney was still alive.  They never found out. Maria also met Cydney’s mysterious fate.  The cave had claimed another victim.

Ten years later in 1990, Cydney’s younger sister, Kate Nouvell, went in the cave to search for her sister, and for Maria Slate.  The people of Glacier Falls never knew if those girls survived.  Kate never left the cave to tell them.

Josselyn Peterson and Pamela Mancusi sat on the banks of Tears Creek in Glacier Falls, Nebraska.  They were 12 years old, and had lived in Glacier Falls all their lives.  They knew the stories of Cydney and Kate Nouvell and Maria Slate by heart. They had memorized part of Maria’s spooky obituary:

“I will find my best
friend if it’s the last
thing I do.”
It was.

‘Yet Josselyn and Pamela weren’t afraid at all.  Or maybe they were, I don’t know.  They were not the sort of people who look like they would frighten easily.  Josselyn was tall and willowy. She had long arms, legs, and fingers.  She was a dancer, and always wore a long sleeved, v-neck, leotard, usually light turquoise or royal blue.  On the occasion that her hair wasn’t in a bun, it was in a long, thick ringleted ponytail from being twisted so tightly all the time.  On that day, Josselyn’s jeans had been rolled up so as not to get wet.  Pamela’s hair was cut short, to the bottoms of her ears. She had silvery, owl-eyed glasses.,  with the right lens scratched from when she dropped them in the mall parking lot.  She had bright black hair and soft blue eyes, as opposed to Josselyn’s elegant dark blonde hair and 20-20 glossy brown eyes.  Pamela was very petite, and not quite slender. She did not have as pretty and fair a face as Josselyn, but she had lovely, long fingernails.  Pamela’s mother was a manicurist, and her nails were always perfectly polished with horizontal rainbows.  Josselyn, however, had the nasty habit of biting her nails. Pamela was an art student and her tee shirt and cut-off jeans were spattered with paint and clay, but she didn’t care.  Pamela and Josselyn talked as the creek washed and bubbled gently over their feet.  They ate their picnic lunch out of the natural wicker basket;, and complemented one another on their cuisine.

“Pamela, how come, when you make the sandwiches, we can stand to eat them, while mine are completely inedible?”

“Probably because I use mayonnaise.  Why are your brownies thick and fudgy while mine are…”

“Like dirt? I don’t know.”

That kind of conversation was what was uttered that day as they ate chicken-and snow pea pitas, Sour Cream and Onion Ruffles potato chips, Josselyn’s fudge brownies, and Cherry Sprites.  When they finished their picnic, they decided to take a hike and see where the creek led.

“If it goes for more then four states, I’m turning back,” Pamela told Josselyn, probably, with Pamela’s risk-taker personality, only half kidding.

Then, she looked up and saw why Josselyn wasn’t answering.  Thunder clouds had taken over the once-blue sky.  Lightning split the sky into dark pieces.  Bone-chilling rain came down in sheets.  In seconds, the girls were drenched.  They started to run, and soon came to a short, stout cave.

“Shelter!” shouted Pamela, running toward it.

“Stop!” cried Josselyn, her eyes wide and her taupe skin white with fear, “It’s Cydney Nouvell’s cave!”

With that, she reached into her back pocket and took out three newspaper arcticles, quite damp.  The oldest showed a smiling pigtailed girl, holding spelunking gear.  The caption read

“The last sighting
of Cydney Nouvell”.

The next, no quite so old, had a smudgy photograph of a determined and slightly frightened looking pudge of a young woman. The caption was the obituary message.  Maria Slate.  The newest, least crumpled, colored arcticle depicted a very frightened (and quite sick) business-like woman.  Kate Nouvell.  All the pictures were taken outside this very cave.

“SO?” asked Pamela, shivering.  She was getting very annoyed.

“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.  You know what happened to the last three people who did!”

“That doesn’t scare me at all.  Besides, we don’t even know what happened to them.  For all we know, they went to OZ.  At least it doesn’t rain there.  I’m going in!”  Pamela stepped boldly into the cave…. And was surrounded by pitch black.  She heard laughing from deep inside the cave

“Oh Cydney!” said an echoey, hollow voice.

Pamela gave a blood-curdling scream that echoed and re-echoed inside the cave.  Josselyn knew she would never forget the horror of that scream.  She ran into the cave.

“PAMELA! PAMELA, CAN YOU HEAR ME?” Josselyn screamed, sure there would be no answer.

“I’m here, “ called Pamela, with an unnerving calm.  Josselyn almost cried with relief.

“Where are you?” Josselyn questioned.

“In the back of the cave.” Pamela’s voice sounded different, Josselyn realized, hollower and raspier. She began to sprint, thinking that Pamela might be trapped or hurt, which would explain the voice change.  But when she reached the end of the dark cave, she almost fainted at what she saw.  Although the rest of the cave was as black as night, the finish was bathed in an eerie bright light.   The cavern floor held a bottomless, glowing pool.  But that was not the reason Josselyn felt queasy.  In the pool were four girls.  One, pigtailed and smiling. Of the other two, one was younger and frightened, the other, older and cross.  The last girl made Josselyn nearly have a heart attack.  That girl used to be Pamela.  All four were glowing water ghosts, transparent and wet, with glowing eyes.

“Come in Josselyn,” said the former Pamela, as if in a trance, “Come play with us!”  An unearthly, supernatural force pulled Josselyn towards the pool, towards her late friend.  Josselyn turned and ran.  All through the twisting tunnels of the cave, Pamela’s voice echoed, “Come play with us!”

But Josselyn didn’t turn back. If she surrendered to Pamela, Cydney, Maria, and Kate’s ghosts, she too would never leave the cave.  She didn’t stop running until she was out of the cave, down the creek, and in her own house.  Once she stopped, she broke down crying.  Josselyn never told anyone where she’d been that day, nor what she’d seen.  Pamela’s calling voice still haunts her, day and night, dawn to dusk Never go near that cave, or follow Tears Creek.   Pamela will call to you, too.  Stay far away.  Far, far away. That is my advice to you, as the sole survivor of that cave.
By: Josselyn Peterson-Kokoloauski
Copyright 2034

The moral of the story is, keep writing, and you will improve.  Also, stay away from caves.

And apparently I liked Sour Cream & Onion Chips when I was a pre-teen.

I suppose I’ve aged in more than just my writing skills.

  • Share/Bookmark

October 1, 2009

Banned Books Week: Throwing Pots

When I was in grades K-12, my mother was always heavily involved in our local school district.  When I was in elementary school, she was the president of our PTA (Parent-Teacher Association), and as I got older, she moved upwards in the ranks until she was the president of the local School Board.

This morning, I called her and thanked her for never banning a book.

All week, I have been reading about the struggles had recently by Laurie Halse Anderson and Lauren Myracle, and thinking about J.K. Rowling and Phillip Pullman and Mark Twain and Judy Blume… and I salute them for telling their stories the way they are meant to be told, the way they needed to be told.

When I was in fourth grade, I came home with a copy of Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and my mother caught me reading it in my lap at the table while I had my after-school snack, and she asked what I was reading so intently.

“It’s a book by Judy Blume,” I said.  “I really like it, she’s a really good writer.”

Then, my mother and I had a talk about Judy Blume, and how she writes books for all different ages, so while it was OK for me to read the Fudge & Peter Hatcher books in fourth grade, she didn’t want me to read other Judy Blume books yet.  But, she said, when I was in fifth grade, I could read Are You There God?  It’s Me, Margaret and Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself.

She did not want me to read Deenie or Tiger Eyes or Forever until at least when I was in high school.

And of course, I thought this was unfair, because Judy Blume is a fantastic writer, but I listened, because she explained to me why she didn’t want me reading those books yet, and about how different subjects are appropriate for children at different ages and stages of life.

I thanked her for that this morning, too.  It is immense that she had that discussion with me instead of just forbidding me to read any more Blume books, even though she knew that I might have my curiosity piqued and promptly go attempt to check out Forever from the public library.

In all honesty, had she forbidden it, I would have done exactly that.

But the dialogue educated me so much more, and when I did finally read Forever, I was well-equipped to understand why I’d needed to mature and wait.  When I read Forever, I was seventeen, and in no way was the book “bad” for me, or “harmful.”

And yet Forever is still the 13th Most Frequently Challenged book in America.

I think that the reason that books are banned is that many parents are so afraid of having those discussions with their children, because they fear that the repercussions of introducing that there may be inappropriate ideas in the world is the same as introducing those inappropriate concepts themselves.

I feel like books and concepts and discussions all have to go hand-in-hand to have any meaning whatsoever… reading Forever would not have had the same impact on me had I not talked with my mother about it some eight years before.  At the same time, I think I would have read Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing differently and never had the guts to approach Are You There God?  It’s Me, Margaret without knowing that something else was coming… I was growing and building to something and that there were things out there that really did change when you were a grown-up.

In seventh grade, when our school celebrated ALA Banned Books Week and my class read The Giver, my teacher, Ms. Fitzgibbons, (who was brilliant; one of the best teachers that I ever had) likened growing up to the process of throwing a pot: every person is born freeform, like a lump of clay, and every experience you ever have — every word you read, every discussion you have — is like another hand on the potter’s wheel.  You cannot unlive an experience or unread a word or untalk a talk any more than the clay could become untouched and raw again.  The words we read are like only right hands, and the words we speak and hear only left hands.  Without both, the pot comes out lopsided and can’t be fully functional.

The metaphor is a little convoluted, but the endpoint is clear.

If you only read challenged books on the sly, hidden with your penlight in your closet, then you are missing an essentially important part of the process: Why did the author write those words?  Why did your parents or school or town not want you to read them?

Your pot will be floopy and lopsided and fall over all the time and will never be good at carrying water.

I know.  I was not supposed to be reading the last three books of the Janie Johnson series by Caroline Cooney, but I was so intrigued by the first and I thought Reeve was so dreamy (Reeve!  His name was Reeve!  Clearly, he was a hunk!) that I ignored my mother saying, “No, there are some things that I don’t want you to read.”

And I hid the fact that I read them anyway, and kept them under my mattress.

And I still feel squirmy inside now, in a bad, stomach-full-of-snakes way, when I hear the names “Reeve” or “Janie” because I knew, while reading their sex scene, that I was doing something wrong even though they weren’t.  I wasn’t supposed to be reading that book, and instead of understanding and growing and appreciating the story, I felt…

Floopy.  And lopsided.

Do I think that the Janie Johnson series should be banned because I felt badly after reading it?

Absolutely not.  Emphatically, fist-shakingly assuredly not.

But do I wish I had talked about it with someone older and trusted when it confused me… just like Harry Potter does whenever he is thrown a situation he doesn’t feel he can handle on his own in another frequently-banned series?

Absolutely yes.

Would it have been profoundly awkward to tell my mom that I’d read Whatever Happened to Janie, The Voice on the Radio, and What Janie Found?

Emphatically, first-shakingly, assuredly YES.

But would it have been better to have talked about why the pressure Reeve puts on Janie to have sex made me feel so uncomfortable?

Also yes.

While I feel kind of squicky writing about Reeve and Janie and how awkward I felt and how very much too young I was to have read Caroline B. Cooney’s books when I did (at age eleven), I am still glad that they were available for me to find and read and learn that lesson.

Even though maybe that part of my pottery is kind of dented.

Because if books are banned…

If they aren’t allowed at all…

Then the clay just sits.

And waits.

And dries out to nothing at all, except a pale and crackled slab that cannot even absorb water, much less carry it towards those who need it.

  • Share/Bookmark
Older Posts »

Powered by WordPress